


I'm So Sorry (What Have I Done)

by DrowningInShips



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Blood, Crying, Gen or Pre-Slash, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, i think? im not sure but just to be on the safe side, its like only one line in parentheses, obviously if anyone wants me to take it out i can!, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningInShips/pseuds/DrowningInShips
Summary: Jeremy has Regrets(TM)based off ofask-readyplayergaymers'sReady Player One au on tumblr! (note: the author has never read Ready Player One so this may not be completely accurate to the book whoops)





	I'm So Sorry (What Have I Done)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CosmicCrossing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicCrossing/gifts).



> ngl this has been on tumblr for like... a week or two now. i just ever cross posted it lol i completely forgot
> 
> as always, constructive criticism is welcome! without it, my writing would remain as piss poor as always, so don’t be afraid to tell me how to write something better! also if I didn’t tag smth, please please please tell me so I can tag it!! this is unbeta’d so any mistakes are mine and any shitty writing is also mine lol

_A fire arrow whizzed past Ehm’s face on the screen as he yelled an incantation._

_“Strun Ba Qo!”_

_A bolt of lightning flew out of his staff, hitting its target and knocking down a chunk of his opposer’s health. Ehm grinned maniacally, enjoying himself as he and his opponent traded attacks. He glanced at the crowd, towards the spot where Ny0 would normally be cheering him on from, before he remembered: Ny0 had left him._

_He sobered up immediately, the grin on his face morphing into a grimace. He focused on his fighting, the crowd fading into the background, their cheers and applause and excited shouts becoming quieter and quieter until all he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears._

* * *

Jeremy sat back in his chair, trembling from withheld sobs as he watched a live video feed of the tournament. He had really, really fucked up badly. He missed Michael, and the tournaments they would enter together, and Michael’s melodious laugh (okay maybe not exactly melodious, seeing as when he was really laughing, he would constantly gasp for air, but to Jeremy is was the most beautiful laugh in the world), his mischievous smile that always came before he attacked Jeremy with silly magic items or as he thought of a prank to pull, his soft hugs (okay so what if they were a game, Jeremy could tell the intention behind them was soft), his generally laid back but caring attitude, and….. Jeremy’s thoughts came crashing down on him as the epiphany hit him.

Oh shit. He was in love with his best friend.

(ex-best friend. You left him, remember?)

He reached his hand out to his computer screen, whispering under his breath, “I-I lo-love you, I’m s-so so-sorry” over and over again, a mantra he repeated even as he rocked in his chair. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, tried to swallow back his tears, but failed, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. He let out a few choked sobs, hand immediately coming up to cover his mouth to attempt to contain the sobs. He fucked up. Michael probably never wanted to see him again. God, he wished he didn’t exist, if he didn’t he would never have been able to hurt Michael, one of the few good things in his life, he wouldn’t have ever pushed him away for a stupid crush, he wouldn’t….

Jeremy took a breath to try to at least semi-compose himself, enough to send an email to Michael, to apologize for how shitty he was as a friend. He started typing one out, but immediately deleted it. That was stupid. He started again, typing “Dear Michael, I know you probably don’t ever wanna see me again”, but backspaced. He sounded annoying and clingy.  He tried to type out the email a few more times, erasing it each time. Too whiny, too annoying, too pathetic, too pitiful.

The tears started again as he typed, pouring down his face, and he brought his hands up to his eyes to wipe away the tears.

(God, you’re pathetic! Everything about you is just terrible, why would anyone love you? Why would he of all people love you? Especially after what you did, that was unforgivable! You should just give up, I mean everyone else has given up on your pitiful ass!)

He sobbed harder than before, shoving his hands in his mouth to muffle the sounds, as a voice in his head (sounding suspiciously like his mother’s) rang in his ears.

He was practically alone, who would care if he just…. stopped existing?

No one, that’s who.

He had no one.

He had nothing.

No one cared.

He took in a shaky breath.

* * *

_Ehm took a breath, before launching his final attack. Hopefully, it would hit and knock his opponent out. He was running low on magic stores and on health. This would be his last move, if it didn’t work he would lose._

_“Yol Toor Shul!”_

_A wave of fire washed over his adversary, knocking them down from where they were hovering and instantly knocking them down to 2 health. They stood up, attempting to get back in the fight, but Ehm just walked over and punched them in the stomach, ending the battle._

_On the giant screen above them, a highlights reel of the match played. He wiped his nose with his sleeve, stopping the flow of blood from his nose, did his signature two finger wave with a huge (fake) grin on his face, and walked out of the arena door, where a healer NPC was waiting to patch up the remaining player. The crowd was cheered behind him, cheering him off the field. But, the area where Ny0 would normally meet him after matches was empty, void of anyone he knew._

_He missed seeing his best friend after matches._

_He missed his best friend._

_He took in a shaky breath._

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> [my tumblr!](https://eye-of-terrific.tumblr.com/) yell at me to write more shit lmao


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